


Run & Hide {Lashton}

by witnesstheaddiction



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5SOS - Freeform, BoyxBoy, Fanfiction, Lashton - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1501556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witnesstheaddiction/pseuds/witnesstheaddiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"All I wanted was you at my side, why you gotta run, why you gotta run and hide?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. o n e

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know what ya think <3

***Chapter 1***

**+Luke+**

That laugh.  
That fucking laugh.  
It filled the air and danced through it, causing my breathing to labor and goose bumps to explode along my bare arms despite the warm breeze. It caused my heart to stutter and then race away at a rapid fire pace, in the blink of an eye. That laugh caused so many things, too many to possibly list. And I hated it. But also kinda loved it. It was a rather bittersweet thing.

"Earth to Luke." I jolted out of my thoughts, when I felt someones hand smack me gently on the cheek. "Wha?" I blinked a couple times, blue meeting hazel, as Ashton leaned back away from me, eyes locked on mine, a smirk playing at his beautiful, full lips. "You majorly spaced out mate, and Michael was asking you a question, so." He trailed off, obviously biting back his giggles, at my still shocked expression. "Doesnt mean you had to slap me." I pouted, crossing my arms like a huffy 6 year old, trying to make him feel guilty.

"Oh come on, it wasn't even a hard hit. One day you're gonna have to grow up Lukey, and stop being such a wimp." A playful tone was twisted within his words, a matching grin spread on his face. His slap obviously hadnt actually bothered me in the least but it was quite enjoyable to banter with him like this. It was one of my favorite things to do with him as a matter of fact, besides cuddling of course.

"Maybe it didnt hurt me physically, but it wounded my feelings." I placed my hand over my heart, and twisted my expression into a pitiful one.

"What can I do to make it up to you, oh great one?" Ashton giggled between his words causing my stomach to explode with butterflies in response to that adorable noise. I placed a finger on my chin, in a mock-thinking pose although I already knew what I wanted. After a few seconds of "thinking", I snapped my fingers. "I've got it!" Ashton nodded at me to continue, so I tapped my cheek. He rolled his eyes playfully, and crawled over across the park grass, placing his lips in a sweet,lingering kiss where I had pointed on my face. It was difficult to keep my blush at bay.. Leaning back, he whispered "Am I forgiven?" To which I responded, "Well, duh!" Grinning he returned back to his spot between Calum and Michael, who had been apparently watching us with bored looks painted on their faces.

"Are you idiots quite finished?" Mikey sighed, "We have to finish planning this triple date, or even quadruple if Luke says yeah." He turned to face me with a pleading and expectant look. Ugh, I was hoping he had forgotten about the topic that we had been previously discussing before I zoned out on them. "I dunno, Mike. You know Im not really looking for a girlfriend." My heart yearned to tell them the reason why I wasnt, that I was gay, gay for one of my best friends, and band members. Of course though, I kept my mouth shut, guarding my secret. "Please Luke? Maddie, Ali, and Georgia aren't gonna come unless you say yes to taking Bethany. They're not just gonna leave her the odd one out, and home alone tomorrow night. I guess it's some kind of girl code or whatever, I dont know. Just please, for us? You wont even have to talk to Beth after the date, if you dont want to. Its just one night."

Yeah, one night of seeing the guy I loved on a date with someone else who wasnt me. A girl, to top it all off. Not only that, but I had to go out with a girl I was no way interested in.

The reality of the situation hit me like a freaking hammer and I felt sick to my stomach. But, the begging looks that Cal and Mike kept throwing at me...how could I say no to them? Ashton was looking at me as well, but with an unreadable expression. Oh, the things I would do to find out what he was thinking about.

"Fine, one night. I can handle that." Michael tackled me in a hug chanting, "thank you, thank you, thank you." And Calum looked like he just might piss himself with excitement. Mike sat back down, and began to rattle off info about the date, but I blocked him out, not really giving two shits. My gaze found its way back to the curly haired drummer across from me, and settled there. He was watching Michael, with an mysterious, odd smile that didnt quite meet his eyes. He was faking being happy. Against my will, worry began to pulse through my body. Was he okay? Why wasnt he speaking up about whatever was troubling him?

... I must have lost track of time annalyzing Ashton, because next thing I knew, Calum was saying we were stopping for ice cream on the way back, and Michael was done talking.

I rose to my feet, along with the other three, shaking my head in an attempt to scatter away my confused thoughts. I hoped the boys hadnt noticed that I had been zoning again, it always frustrated them, which caused me to feel bad. Ashton fell into step beside me on the walk across the park, so I kept my eyes on Mike and Cal in front of us.

"You okay? You've been awfully quiet." The drummer commented finally,causing me to turn my head toward him. "Uhm, yeah. Just tired and stuff..?" What was supposed to be a statement came out as a question, and I mentally face palmed myself.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid. There's no way he's gonna believe that load of crap._  And what would you know? I must be psychic. "Yeah, ok." He snorted sarcastically. My face turned a more unflattering, embarrassed shade of red with every passing second.

"Are you sick or something Luke? You look pretty flushed." He pressed, eyes never leaving my face. "You know what? Now that you mention it, I  _am_  not feeling too good. I think I'll pass on icecream and just head back to the hotel and take a nap, or something."I replied. It was a coward's way out, but I didn't care. I just needed to get away from him so I could relax.

Ashtons face morphed into even more concern, which I hadnt thought could be possible.

"I'll walk back with you then, wouldnt want you passing out on the way there." My eyes widened from his proposition and I practically screamed my disagreement. Hurt flashed across his face for a split second, before he composed himself and as soon as it had been there, it was gone. Aw, hell. Now I'd hurt his feelings.

But its not like I could explain why I didnt want him to go with me. I couldnt explain that he was the reason I was acting and feeling odd. It wouldnt make sense to him, and he'd hate me for it. "I meant, uh. It's only 3 blocks. I can make it that far. You go enjoy your ice cream with the guys." He looked hesitant at my reply, to which I groaned inwardly. "Go on, off you get. Go have fun." I felt myself smiling, which I couldnt help. He was too adorable for his own good. I stepped forward and gave him a gentle push toward the small ice cream parlor where Calum and Michael waited by the entrance, impatiently. He chuckled, "Okay, okay. Just, call me if you need anything."

I ignored the butterflies going ape shit in my stomach and rolled my eyes playfully, "Aye, aye captain." I even threw in a little sarcastic salute, before turning away. I had to fight the urge to look back the whole way out of the park.

Once out on the city sidewalk, my whole body melted with relief. At least I was safe from doing anything stupid around him for the next hour or two. I weaved through the people, the harsh afternoon sun beating down on my head, actually making me start to feel a tad ill. I just needed a nice rest, that would get me back in order. Well, hopefully.

The way back to the hotel was uneventful, thank God. I smiled at the door man, and dragged my feet inside to the lift, mind clouding with fatigue. The cool air conditioning felt so very pleasant, and I was never more thankful for something in my life.

I've always hated elevator rides, I thought to myself as I got inside, they were so awkward. This one was no different, if anything it was worse. The lady across in the opposite corner, stared at me literally the whole time. A business man chatted on his phone way louder than necessary, disrupting any peace or quiet. And as the icing on the cake, a girl kept shooting me glances while giggling and blushing obnoxiously, obviously trying to flirt with me. I was flattered but slightly turned off. Not in a rude way, but were all girls this "up in your face"? What happened to being sweet and subtle while trying to catch someone's attention?   
Damn.

With a "ding!" The lift doors glided open revealing level 4, our floor, and I made my way down the hall to 607, digging out my room key to unlock it. Thank fuck the previous, most uncomfortable 3 minutes of my life had passed. Note to self:  _Take the stairs next time._  I kicked off my Van's, and closed the door behind me, grabbing an apple from the counter on the way to Calum and I's shared bedroom. I then stripped to my boxers, and crawled into bed, curling myself in the cool blankets. I honestly tried to keep my mind busy with thoughts of tonights show, and tomorrow's (dreaded) quadruple date as I finished off my snack, but of course, images of Ashton found a loophole, and consumed my mind as I drifted off to sleep.

********

****


	2. t w o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the feedback on the last chapter, you're awesome x

**Chapter 2**

**+Ashton+**

I watched Luke's retreating figure all the way until he had vanished out the entrance to the park.  _Dayum, boy had a fine behind._

"Are you coming or not, nimrod?" Michael called, causing me to wheel my body around abruptly. Guilt instantly washed over me, and I felt like a misbehaving child caught doing something naughty by their parents. What the hell had gotten into me? Checking out my best friends ass? My  _male_ best friends ass to top it all off. Michael or Cal had to of spiked my breakfast with something this morning. That's the only thing that could explain this. Sighing, I made the walk of shame over to my two band mates, face resembling a tomato. Fortunately they hadn't noticed me staring after Luke like a pervert. At least I had some form of luck on my side today.

"Took you long enough, Im starving." Mikey huffed, causing Cal to roll his eyes, and mutter, "Oh, shut up. You're such a drama queen."  _God, I wouldn't trade these fools for anything in the world._

*********

After we ordered and got our icecream, we snagged a seat with a nice view. "Are you excited for tomorrow, Ash? Be honest." Calum finally spoke up after a good chunk of silence.

"Yeah, of course I am. I wouldn't have been texting Georgia so much this past week, if I wasn't." I answered, kind of appalled he'd even ask that question in the first place. "I'm genuinely excited to finally talk to her face to face. Thanks a ton for setting it up, you two did a good job. It should be a nice evening." I tried my best to sound reassuring, since they both sat watching me with unease. "Why do you ask anyway?" I looked down at my icecream, stirring it warily, not really sure I wanted to hear the answer. I almost regretted prying, I should have just let it go, and changed the subject.

Michael glanced at Calum before answering. "Uhm, well.. Luke doesn't seem very excited about it, and that worries me. I wanted us all to have a good time, ya know? Calum and I just worked so hard on organizing this, and it seems like it's all just gonna fall to pieces. I dunno..maybe we're just being too pessimistic about it." His voice trailed off, and I sat back, absorbing what he told me.

"I think Luke's plenty excited." I commented after a few moments of nibbling my bottom lip, in deep thought. Calum raised both eyebrows in a ' _are you fucking kidding me?'_  type of way, in which I rushed my next words out, quick to defend myself, "What?! He was just having an off day today, he felt ill. That's exactly what he told me. Why do you think he went back to the hotel?"

Michael tipped his head to one side, like a confused puppy, "Oh, so that's why he didn't come? Well that aside, I still don't think that's the reason he kept zoning, or didn't want to talk about the date, but whatever."

I grumbled to myself under my breath about how big of stubborn idiots they both were being, and shoved some of the cold, vanilla-y treat that sat before me, into my mouth, letting the topic die. I wasn't in the mood to argue about this.

"Because I remember when I gave him Beth's number last week, so he could get to know her before the date, he made no effort to even just text her. He simply doesn't care.", Calum continued. The frustration of the situation made me groan. Couldn't Cal take the hint I didn't want to talk about this any longer? "Why don't we just drop it, it doesn't matter anyway, nor is it any of our business." I replied, shooting the bassist a harsh look.

"Doesn't matter? Ashton..Luke's been out of it for quite some time. Of course it matters, and we're worried about him. This is a topic that we can't just "drop", we  _need_  to discuss this." Michael butted in, stress coating his words.

"God, are you blind? How have you been not noticing how different he is? He's been acting everything but himself ." Calum backed Mikey up while arching an eyebrow at me, and I felt the hot fire of irritation swoop through my body.

"Just because I don't  _baby_  him like you two do, doesn't make me blind, Hood." I hissed out between gritted teeth.

"Don't give us that crap, you baby him as much as us, if not more. You're just being a blind, jerk lately who can't realize that something's going on with him." Calum replied in a low tone, brown eyes darkening with anger.

Luckily Michael intervened before it got any more heated, and we lost our temper worse than we already had,"Guys calm down, if you're gonna argue about it, then just shut up."

Calum shot him a look, but listened, spitting out a "whatever", before briskly sweeping off to throw his garbage out. When he was gone, I rested my elbows on the table, burying my face in my hands. God, this was all a mess. Luke was just ill...he was fine. He had to be. If something was truly up with him, he would have told me. Michael and Calum were just reading into things too much.

But on the other hand I couldn't help to notice the twinge of doubt gnawing at the back of my mind..fuck.

The rest of the time spent at the icecream shop was silent, as well as the beginning of the walk back to the hotel. It was so weird and awkward that I just wanted to disappear. It was making my skin crawl, and I had to stop it. "Im sorry." I blurted out finally, clamping my teeth down on my bottom lip.

Calum's gaze flew over to me, eyes glimmering with astonishment. "You're sorry? If anything  _I_ should be sorry for being such a dick. I shouldn't have called you names, in the heat of the moment just because your viewpoint on the situation was different. It was wrong and stupid."

A sigh of relief gusted out of my lips, at least his anger had cooled off. "It's okay mate. I shouldn't have been so stubborn, and instead listened to what you both had to say."

A smile twitched at the edges of his lips, fighting to break free. "We good?"

"Do you even need to ask that? Of  _course_  we are."

*********

The rest of that day, and evening went pretty smoothly. Luke seemed more with it after his nap, and we were all perfectly in sync with one another like nothing had happened. So, of course we played an epic show, like always. Not to blow my own horn or anything..oh, who am I kidding. I was blowing my own horn so loud, Im sure people's ears were bleeding all over the city.

When we got back to the hotel, exhausted but on a high from happiness, I sweet talked Luke into watching a movie with me. I mean, I ended up crashing halfway through the film, but whatever. The bliss of it all was simple, us cuddled together in a mess of tangled limbs and warm blankets. It was kinda perfect. All my worries faded away into the dark, deserted, forgotten corners of my mind, put on hold by suffocating thoughts of  _luke,luke,luke._  He was like my remedy in a way, my coping mechanism.  _I could get used to this._

_*******_

****


	3. t h r e e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that I have already pre-written, so updates will be happening once a week on Saturdays now so, ugh. sorry bout that :( alsooo Im working on a Lashton one shot that Im super excited about that should be finished and posted in the next couple days <3

**_Chapter 3 [date part 1]_ **

**+Luke+**

You know what's lovely? Waking up in the morning, warm sunshine lazily trickling through your window, smell of coffee wafting throughout the rooms, and  _oh yeah almost forgot_ two of your friends leaping into your bed, jumping like little kids, trampling you in the process.

Startled, my eyes snapped open from the sudden waves of movement they caused, and I looked around the bedroom, slowly realizing that Ash must of put me to bed sometime through out the night after we fell asleep together.

"Wakey wakey Luke! It's date daaaay!" Michael trilled, laughter booming obnoxiously loud through out the room, as him and Cal continued to jump and jump and jump. What were they, five years old? Sneakily I moved my legs out from the duvet, waiting until they were in just the right position, before ambushing them by kicking their feet out from under them. The two collapsed almost immediately, crashing down onto the mattress with a grunt. I drank in their oh so shocked expressions for a second , before busting out into howling laughter of my own. "Suckers!" Snickering, I scrambled from my bed and ran out of the room as fast as I could before they got the chance to attack me as revenge.

Once I reached the kitchen type thingy, I slipped across the wood floor due to my damn socks before crashing into something that felt like a brick wall. I yelped, the action scaring me out of my peaceful morning daze. It honestly kinda hurt too considering I had been  _sprinting_ , and the impact sent me sprawling backwards. Throwing my hand out blindly I reached out for something, anything to stop my fall and was surprised as I came in contact with a warm, toned arm. But my little plan kinda back fired, and instead of grabbing onto that mysterious arm and it stopping me from falling, it yanked the person down with me, and we both crashed to the floor, them on top of me. My breath was knocked right out of my lungs from the impact, and I was left gasping to regain it. When I finally did get back to breathing like a normal person, I peeped my eyes open met with the sight of none other than Ashton Irwin hovering above me.  _Oh, so thats who it was.._  Not that I was complaining or anything. I quite liked the position we were in.

"Oh! Hi Ashy." I gazed up into his intoxicating eyes that were  _so close_  and tried to ignore how bloody good his body felt against mine.

"Fucking  _hell_  Luke." He ground out, searching my eyes for a few heartbeats. "What were you even doing?"

"Uhm, running?" I answered, which caused him to throw me a  _'well, no duh'_  look. "I did something to Calum and Michael, which, hey! Dont give me that look, they started it. And anyway, they were after me."

He rolled his eyes, and...wait, why hadnt he moved from straddling me yet? Why didnt he jump up two seconds after this whole thing happened, like any other person would?

We both just kinda stared at each other, blue boring into hazel, nearly melting into one. His delicious looking lips were parted slightly, hot breaths billowing out onto my own closed mouth. My hands moved suddenly like they had a mind of their own, to where they rested comfortably on his hips. This was such a cliche thing to be happening, am I right? I mean, what the fuck. But then again, I couldnt stop it, nor did I really want to. I rubbed small circles with the pad of my thumbs onto his hip bones, taking note at how he ever so slightly shivered in response.

He reached up and began to rhythmically run his long fingers through my blond locks, twisting it in a rather calming motion. Nuzzling into his touch, I fought down the groan that was growing rapidly in my throat. I was such a sucker when it came to someone playing with my hair. It dissolved any tension in me like an ice cube on a scorching summer day. All these sensations had my body buzzing, as I realized that I wanted nothing more than to claim his mouth with my own. Wanted to feel his smooth, yet slightly rough looking lips. Wanted to taste him for the first time.

"Ash-" I was cut off by his finger pressed against my lips, shushing me. He then opened his own mouth looking like he was about to say something, when his gaze rose, fixing on something behind me. "How long have you guys been there?" He asked, and I sat up immediately(him still in my lap, yum) and twisted my head around to find Michael and Calum standing casually in the door way.

They both ignored Ashtons question and instead blurted, "were you two gonna fuck?" The drummer scoffed, and finally stood, reaching his hand out to help me up which I gladly took, hoisting myself to my feet as well.

"Obviously not you morons," he finally answered. I felt myself deflating like I had been pricked with a pin. He sounded...disgusted? Was I really that repulsive to him? This wasnt matching up with his behavior that had happened minutes prior.

I was dragged from my thoughts when Ashton's voice piped up again, "what do you guys want for breakfast? I was starting to make it before..yeah." Calum, Michael and I all shared a look, a defeated sigh escaping my lips.

**********

"So what are the plans for the date?" I found myself asking as I lolled on the couch a few hours later, having already cleaned myself up.

"Why? is someone  _excited_?" Michael peeked around the corner, hair done to perfection, now at work choosing his outfit. "I knew there was a reason you were the first one done getting ready."

His joking of me actually enjoying this damned night made my stomach flip flop in disgust. I wasnt sure how to reply, so I simply didnt, my attention being drawn to shirtless Ashton walking into the kitchen in all his glory. He got something to drink from the fridge, and lifted himself onto the counter, kicking his dangling feet like an adorable little kid. As he sat there, his gorgeous eyes met mine and he tossed me an almost.. _shy_  smile?   
What?   
Shy wasnt usually a word I would associate with Ash, so I settled on the fact I must be imagining things.

The sound of Michael asking Calum for advice on which shirt he should wear drifted into the room and I smiled. It was almost cute how frazzled the two were becoming over this date.

Glancing back in Ashtons direction, I tried to be subtle but the sight of him stretching hooked my gaze like a fishing line. His muscles rippled under his tan skin, well built upper arms on show. My heart began to clatter against my rib cage, and I had to lick my lips to calm myself down a little. I couldnt avert my eyes though. Saying he looked gorgeous in this moment, would be the understatement of the century.

"Likin' what you see, Lukey boy?" His teasing voice trickled into my thoughts, and I startled. "I, uh, I-" I could feel my face beginning to burn harshly and Im sure it was a disgusting shade of rosy pink. He watched me grow flustered, a smirk playing at his lips. Are you kidding me? He found this funny? I sure as hell didn't. "I've g-gotta go d-do my hair." Stuttering over my bullshit response I fled the room, his angelic laughter seeming to chase me.  
"But your hairs already done?" He called, and I slammed Calum and I's bedroom door, muffling his smug giggles. I sank to the floor, butterflies tickling my stomach. Leaning my head back against the wood surface behind me I thought over how truly fucked I was.

************

This was not happening. Was this for real?   
I blinked, totally unamused and turned to Mike and Cal waiting for one of them to scream, "ha! Gotcha!" And confirm this was all a joke.

To my dismay, they didnt. Aw, hell.

"-ieve you didnt even text me! Its okay I guess, I forgive your little sexy ass." Her nasty voice jumped back into my ears causing them to throb. Staring in horror at this disaster before me, was the only thing I was capable of doing.

"Lukey! Are you even listening to me? Jesus Christ." She pouted her overly glossy, sticky looking lips, and crossed her arms with a huff.

"Uhm. Y-yeah, just zoning out." I awkwardly laughed praying she was dumb enough to believe the load of crap I'd just fed her.

"Well get with it, silly boy! We're leaving soon." Giggling, she pranced off to the car, and I took the opportunity to whirl around and confront my idiot friends.

"What the hell is this?", I hissed, fuming. "How could you pair me with the biggest whore of all whores?" Michael flinched a bit, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"I didnt know she would be like this Luke, honest to God. The girls said she was going through a rough patch and was a tad different lately, but we had no idea it would be this extreme." Mike sounded sincere, but I was still pissed.

"Woulda been a nice tid bit of info to know before now, dont you think?" I asked, words dripping with sarcastic sweetness, before turning on my heel and marching away.

I climbed into the open bed of the truck with Beth, heaving a sigh as I sat down. She glanced up from her phone,"remember not to post about this night on any of your social medias. My boyfriends can't know Im here."   
Wait.  
Boyfriends?   
More than one?   
And she was on a date with me?   
This girl is insane.

I turned away, glancing back towards the girl's shared flat where the rest of the gang stood outside waiting for Ali to finish up inside. I didnt understand this one bit. Maddie, Ali, and Georgia seemed like the sweetest, most genuine girls, which was why it didnt make sense they were best friends with this fake nut job across from me. They were nothing alike. Apparently, according to the three other girls, Beth used to be one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Then, she got involved with some bad guys, who of course knew some bad girls, and they began to change her. All the people in that "group" had more than one significant other(seeing nothing wrong with it) and were just down right cold hearted assholes. So, Beth saw nothing wrong with the way she started to act, and being the loyal friends Maddie, Ali, and Georgie were, they didn't just drop or abandon her, even though she was changing for the obvious worse. When you're friends with someone for almost ten years, like they had all been, you develop an amazing, nearly unbreakable connection with them, and you'd do anything to help them out even if they seem like a totally different person, I guess.

They'd been trying to dig Beth out of this rut for quite some time, only recently making small progress. It was better than nothing though. I gave those three girls major props, it sounded like a tough situation, and they had with no doubt, gained my admiration.

Once we were all in the truck and ready to go, we set off. Michael, Ali, Calum and Maddie in the front. Beth, me, Ashton, and Georgia in the back. We were supposedly going to eat at a restaurant first, and then out to the nearby lake to chill afterwards.

Beth continuiously flirted with me the whole ride, and it was quite irritating. The whole thing made me want to jump up and scream, "I'M GAY" at the top of my lungs, so everybody knew. But that probably wouldn't be the smartest idea.

The wind ruffled through my hair in a glorious way, and the watercolor sunset beamed down at us signifying an absolutely stunning evening.

Parking by the lake, we decided to just walk the one block over to the restaurant. Ashton and Georgia were in deep conversation the whole way, and I practically sizzled with wanting to know what they were discussing. Not even to mention the jealousy bubbling deep from within me. I glanced around the two curly head's in front of Beth and I, and found that Mikey/Ali/Calum/Maddie were hitting it off just as well. Damn, now I had no way to escape talking to the girl flanking my side.

She was currently chirping away about her newest boyfriend whom had "totally  _fab_ " (her words not mine) connections to all of the hottest clubs in town. And not only that, but he was also apparently "a good fuck as well". Sounds like she hit the jackpot! Note my sarcasm.

"Maybe you could come party with me sometime? I'll just make sure it's on a night he has work, so he won't get suspicious. We could all go out actually." She gestured to all of our group, a carefree smile on her face.

"Uhm. Maybe, yeah. I'm not a big partier myself, but I know the other guys would enjoy it." It was kind of a lie, I never passed up a good night of partying, but truthfully I really didnt want to have to go with her, and act all "couple-y" as well as seeing Ash acting the same way with Georgia.

She fell silent after that, as did I. As we weaved through the Saturday night crowd, my thoughts took the opportunity to run off. Why had the guys thought any of this would be a good idea? I should of just played ill, and stayed home. The magnitude of jealousy I was feeling toward Georgia was making my stomach twist sickeningly, and perhaps that would be a good enough excuse to ditch half way through the night. Glancing at Beth out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a calm veil frosting her features. I'm not exactly sure whether it was an act or not, but she seemed at ease. It was almost strange how bouncy she had been earlier, but now appeared to completely have cooled off. The longer I looked at her the more I realized she was certainly a pretty girl, as well. Silky hair, black as night, and porcelain skin made a shocking contrast from all the "beach babe barbies" that were typically seen wandering all over the town. It didnt shock me that she could score more than one boyfriend. Too bad I was gay, and that she "got around" so much. Maybe we could of been an item if things were polar opposite.

"Fuck." I mumbled as I slammed into Ashton's back, not taking notice that we had stopped walking. He glanced at me over his shoulder, brows furrowed, "you alright?" his whole body never quite turned all the way toward me, because his fingers were intertwined with Georgia's. The sight made my heart screech to a stop, and constrict with pain. But I managed to nod numbly at him breathing out that I was fine ,before quickly averting my eyes so he wouldn't see the pain that was probably evident in them.

"Now that Luke's back from cloud 9, are we all ready to go in and eat?" Calum joked, although he appeared somewhat concerned.

Sure enough we were outside the restaurant, and everybody was looking at me curiously. My face flushed, and I coughed awkwardly, "Yeah, Im ready." Not waiting for their responses I grabbed Beth's hand and took the lead, pulling her inside the building after me, knowing that the others would follow.

"Table for 8?" A waitress asked as she breezed by, gathering us menu's. I nodded in confirmation and she tossed "follow me please," over her shoulder as she took us to our place.

I took a seat across from Beth, at the very far right of the table, quickly burying my nose in the menu so I wouldn't have to answer if anybody still wanted to ask questions about what happened outside. And of course with my luck,Ashton took a seat to my left, causing my breathing to hitch just a bit.

The other couples broke off into small talk after a few minutes, but I continued to keep reading over the food options, to ward off conversation. Beth was busy drumming her fake nails in an annoying manner, nearly driving me up a wall.

"Could you stop that, please?" I asked gesturing toward her hand, and I must of snapped more than I intended to, because her eyes narrowed into irritated slits.

"Jesus Christ Luke, what's with you tonight?" I nearly jumped out of my skin when Ashton's hand landed on my thigh, and he whispered the question in my ear. He was so close I could smell his minty breath. Dear God, this boy was gonna be the death of me.

"I'm okay Ash, don't sweat it." I replied, sucking on my lip ring as I glanced at him through my eyelashes. He nodded and gave my leg a pat, seeming a little doubtful, before turning back to Georgia to ask what she was gonna order.

Someone's eyes were burning holes into the side of my head after the little exchange, so I glanced down the table to find Calum lazily staring back. He tipped his head to the side as a gesture for me to follow him to the men's bathroom tucked away in the corner of the dimly lit restaurant.I waited a couple minutes after he excused himself, before following like an obediant puppy. My hands started to tremble in anticipation of what he wanted from me as I neared closer to the restroom. After I closed the door behind myself, I looked over at him sitting upon the sinks.

"I  _know_ Luke."

Shit, those three words hurled my body into a cold sweat, stomach queasy, and mind reeling. If he had figured it out, the other two must of. "How'd you find out?" I squeaked out in a minuscule voice.

"It's pretty obvious, Lukey. You aren't fooling anyone." He shrugged like it was the most simple thing in the world, yet it was tearing me apart inside. Gulping down the lump in my throat I croaked out, "do you hate me?"

His head whipped around to face me so fast I thought he snapped his neck. "What?" He spluttered. I couldn't stand that look on his face, it made me feel so disgusting and vulnerable.. "Do you hate me because you know Im gay?"

He stared silently at me for a good 15 seconds. "W-what? No, I meant that I know you hate Beth. . .wait you're  _gay_?" His response sounded choked and it made tears sting my eyes.

"Yes, Im gay Calum." My voice faltered into a whisper at the end of the sentance causing me to wince. "You didnt know that? That wasnt what you wanted to confront me about?" I sounded so damn terrified, it was pathetic really.

He shook his head slowly. "No, I wanted to chat about you obviously hating Beth, but..."

My eyes had to of widened comically, "shit,Cal. You can't tell anybody, okay? I'm serious about this." Stumbling back against the wall, I felt trapped.

"Luke, I know. And it's okay, I still accept you, I still love you no matter what." His voice was thick, and sweet as honey which was immensely reassuring. "You're like..my brother." The last sentence he spoke sounded pained, but I decided against giving it much thought.

I nodded silently, fighting back the waves of tears that lurked behind my eyeballs. Sliding off the counter, he glided over, enveloping me into his arms. My body collapsed against his embrace, hands clutching onto his shirt like my life depended on it.

_"It's Ashton." a sob erupted out of me. "I'm gay for Ashton."_

_************_

****


	4. f o u r

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for the feedback, keep at it ;)

**_*Chapter 4* [date part 2]_ **

**_+Luke+_ **

Not only did Cal know, but now Michael did too. The colorful haired lad had apparently had to go to the bathroom so bad after the food arrived, his "bladder was gonna burst." So, he barged in on me sobbing like a little girl in Calum's arms. It was pretty embarrassing, to be honest.

Anyway, after Michael came in and seen me completely wigged out, he _demanded_ we tell him what was going on. And if we didn't, he threatened to drag Ashton in as well. Which could not happen obviously, talk about a disaster since he was the big root of my issue. Of course then Calum and I had no choice but to awkwardly explain how I had accidentally blurted out I was gay a few moments before, which was why I was crying because, "I thought everyone was gonna hate me", _blah blah blah._

All of usjust kinda stood there silently after that, looking anywhere but at each other. I was caught off guard when after a few uncomfortable seconds(when actually, they felt like hours), Michael hurled himself forward to hug the life out of me, mumbling, "I can't believe you thought any of us would hate you. You're such a numbskull sometimes, ya know that?" I wanted to sob in relief. Telling them had been so much more simple than I had originally believed. If I had even half known it was going to turn out like this, I would have told them so much earlier. I really was kind of a "numbskull".

Cal being the angel he is, didn't utter a peep about me having the hots for Ashton. I will forever be grateful for that until the day I die because lets be honest, Michael has the _biggest_ mouth, and would of ended up blabbing about it. I _know_ it.

Now only one person remaining in the band believed I was straight. Said person being the one I was head over heels for, _sigh_. I felt so relieved by coming out of my dusty, dingy closet though. It felt really, really good. Perhaps with this new found confidence I had developed, I could come out to my family next. The mere thought of it though had my stomach churning with anxiety. Perhaps I'll wait awhile on that step, I don't quite think I'm ready for _that._

The rest of the dinner went pretty normally, I guess. Besides Beth acting icy as fuck, and Ashton watching over me like the _whole_ time. I couldn't shake the feeling that he knew, which was quite ridiculous but near to being the only thing that could add up to his behavior. After paying we soon left, chatting absentmindedly on the way back to the lake.

"We should go swimming when we get there, its fucking scorching outside." Ali groaned as she rolled up the sleeves of her flannel shirt. Everybody just kind of nodded in agreement, so it was settled. The hot, sticky air flowed in suffocating rolls causing sweat and irritation. I deeply regretted wearing skinny jeans, and a long sleeved shirt, and Michael wasn't doing much better. He slumped farther and farther away from the group the more we walked, so much so Calum finally had to end up offering him a piggy back ride or else we would never reach our destination. I kicked at a stone on the sidewalk, us all falling into a comfortable silence. Ashton and Georgia though bounced back into the intense, hushed looking conversation, similar to the one they had on the way to restaurant. I glanced away quickly, before my jealousy could start to arise. Calum was watching me over his shoulder, and motioned for me to come over towards him. I muttered to Beth that I would be back, not that she cared anyway as her and Maddie were chatting up a storm.

"What's up?" I asked the dark haired lad once I was at his side, taking in the sympathy glinting in his brown irises. He took ahold of my sleeve and pulled me only closer, which just further confused me.

"You're just being...ugh how do I put this lightly? Uhm, obvious about how jealous you are. You should probably try to distract yourself more. Anyone could read your emotions from like 10 miles away. Just a heads up." He spoke so lowly that I'm positive not even Michael whom was perched right on his back, could hear us.

I nodded slowly, faking a smile. "Y-Yeah, of course. Thanks buddy." He smirked and pecked my cheek jokingly before shoving me away back in Beth's direction. I pretended to wipe my cheek in disgust, and his lips turned down in a childish pout. Calum was kinda adorable sometimes.

Something ignited inside Michael when he caught glimpse of the calm, rippling lake. He let out a yell that startled everyone, and haphazardly dropped off Cal's back, sprinting to the water. Barley taking the time to shed his shoes, he pitched himself into the water off the dock.

"Fuck yeah!" Ali screamed and took off for the lake next. I chuckled under my breath as I went over to the truck to sit down on the tailgate. It was hot, but I had a lot on my mind so I really didn't feel like swimming. Plus, if I went swimming I'd have to be in close proximity to _wet_ Ashton. With his clothes clinging to his well toned body, water dripping down hi-  
"Stop it Luke. Get a damn grip." I growled to myself, shaking my head, trying to rid my mind of those delicious images. Here, with 7 other people was not the place to fantasize about him. No, that kinda stuff had to be reserved for late at night when I was alone, locked away in the bathroom where no one could hear me. If you catch my drift...

"Hey Lukey, aren't you coming swimming?" Beth's voice inched its way into my daydreams, cracking them apart. I glanced over at her, and sure enough there she was, dripping wet, a questioning look blanketing her features, in only her bra and panties. Oh brother, couldn't she of just kept her clothes on like the other girls and spared my gay eyes?

Fighting to keep the look of disgust off my face, I mumbled, "Nah, don't really feel like it. I'll just watch."

"Well okay, if that's what you want. You're missing out though!" She tossed me a wink as she galloped off back to the others.

Yuck.

I soon became wrapped up in my own thoughts again, only half watching the others horsing around in the water. Ashton scooped Maddie up in his strong arms and hurled her into the water from the dock, her screech shooting through the humid air. God, I wish he would hold _me_ like that. Touch me. Be with me. I didnt feel _too_ jealous though, because Maddie was Calum's date. So, her and Ash were just on friendly terms. I hoped.

God, my possessiveness was reaching all new levels of horrible. I mean, it wasnt like he couldn't touch anyone else besides me..I just, I wish I was the only person he touched. My body physically ached with want of him. Not in a dirty way, though. I want to cuddle with him on lazy, warm afternoons, my head on his chest, legs intertwined, while he whispers sweet nothing's into my ear. I want to hold his hand, fingers molding together. I want every fiber of him. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. I want to memorize his adorable little quirks, memorize his mind. I just want everything he is, and everything he isn't. Sounds so simple, yet is so not. . .

"He's a nice guy isn't he? Ashton I mean?"

My whole body jolted in surprise and a squeak flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. Whipping around, I found Georgia sitting beside me. "How long have you been here?!" I blurted, heart still racing from surprise and shock.

"Eh, only a few minutes. Enough to notice you ogling at Ashton." She replied, a smirk dancing on her lips.

"W-What? Pssh, no. You don't know what you're talking about. Hey, why aren't you wet? Have you not been swimming?"

She tipped her head back and laughed. "I don't like swimming, not really good at it and stuff. So if you weren't checking him out, then why do you wanna change the subject so fast?"

I could only gape at her like a bloody idiot, mouth opening and closing like a fish as I desperately tried to come up with an excuse.

"Just as I thought, don't worry though. I won't tell him."

"Oh you won't? But you'll just hook up with him and then watch me rot with jealousy from the sidelines?" I replied before I could filter myself, words glazed with a bitchy tone. I sounded like a spoilt brat, but I couldn't help it.

"No, him and I decided it would be better if we didnt date." She replied calmy, running a hand through her long auburn curls.

"Why?"

"Im not telling your secret, so its only right if I spare his, eh?" She murmured in reply, with a sorry smile.

I shrugged, nodding grumpily because I just wanted her to tell me, whatever the hell it was.

Silence cloaked the two of us, in a surprisingly comfortable manner although we were both practically strangers to one another. In the dusk of the night I could just barley see that the 6 out in the water were playing some game, yelling and whooping like children. It was endearing, I'm glad they were all having fun.

"Hey, Hemmings..can I tell ya somethin?" Georgia inquired, poking me in the ribs softly. Biting my lip, I nodded, raising my eyebrow in a gesture for her to continue. "You gotta keep your trap shut about this assumption of mine though, got it?"

"Fair enough." I responded, glancing away from her once again.

"I think good ol' Ashy's gay, or at least bisexual."

I nearly inhaled my gum, and choked to death. After coughing like a 90 year old man for a few seconds, I sputtered out, "What..Why...h-huh?"

The corner of her mouth curled up in amusement at how I tripped over my words. "I have a brother who came out as gay recently. Lets just say I sensed it before he came out of his closet. Not to mention all my cousins and ex boyfriends who turned out to prefer the D. I have a pretty good "gaydar" as my friends like to put it."

"Hmm.." I hummed, almost frightened to talk in case this was a dream or something. As if speaking would ruin it; busting the little balloon of hope that now swelled in my chest.

"Now, I'm not saying that because I _know_ alright? I'm just stating what I've observed. So don't get your hopes up now, and later get your panties all in a twist if I'm wrong."

Snickering, I nudged her small, feminine shoulder with my own broad one, "God, someone's sassy today."

Georgia grinned in response. "You don't know the half of it." Her smile faded away slowly as she flopped onto her back to examine the twinkling stars above, face transitioning into an expression of thoughtfulness.

_"Seriously though, for the record Luke, I think you and Ashton would be quite charming together."_

_*******_

****


	5. f i v e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is appreciated as always x enjoy!

**_*Chapter 5*_ **

**_+Ashton+_ **

I woke the next morning after the date, alone and exhausted. Something I'd come to realize is that I couldn't sleep good if someone wasn't in bed with me. And since I didn't get to cuddle with Luke when we returned back, the whole night just kinda spiraled downward. I laid awake for hours, tortured as my demons crawled from the dark depths of my mind. When I did finally fall asleep, it was haunted by bad nightmares that resulted in me quaking in fear, and maybe crying just a bit.

So the next morning was pretty much hell. I had bags the size of Texas plaguing my undereyes, and dark dreary thoughts clogging my brain. I stumbled into the main room, noticing right away that weak sunlight was filtering through a crack in the curtain and I couldn't help moaning in distress. After stumbling over and whipping it closed, I sighed in relief and rubbed my aching temples.

"Ashton?.." A deep, husky voice filled the air and I jumped probably a foot in the air.

_"Oh my God!"_ I shrieked.(a very manly shriek, mind you)

Luke's giggles filled the air, soothing my racing heart. "M' sorry Ash, didn't mean to startle you."

"N-No, I just didn't see you. It's all good, you only gave me a  _heart attack._ " I retorted sarcastically, causing him to start laughing again. Sheesh, why was he so adorable sometimes?

Wait..adorable?..

"Luke..Why are you out here anyway?"

In the dim light I could see him shrug his huge ass shoulders, nonchalantly. "Eh I dunno, really. I think I fell asleep watching Grease or somethin' after we got back."

"So..you watched it alone?"

"Uh duh, the rest of you lot bailed on me." He huffed in response, sounding quite similar to a pout-y little kid. Aww.

"Can we cuddle Lukey? I didn't sleep well last night, and I don't feel so good, and...stuff." I trailed off sheepishly, glad it was practically dark in the room as it hid the blush painting my cheeks.

Luke scoffed, "Do you even need to ask that question? Of course we can, c'mere." I bit my lip to soften the huge grin that threatened to take over my face, and walked over to begin burrowing myself under the mass amount of blankets he already had. He moved over to give me more room, but I plastered my side to his once I was fully under all the warm, fuzzy covers. If we were gonna cuddle, we were gonna do it right. Luke draped his arm over my shoulders, attempting to draw me closer. If that was even possible, considering how smooshed together we had already been. Once we got to the point where our legs were intertwined and you couldn't tell where my body ended and his started, we stilled our movements, finally content with our positions. I buried my head into his neck, eyes flitting closed. Luke started talking about something, what I'm not sure. All I was aware of was how nicely his body radiated heat, and how lulling his deep, harmonic voice was..It was the perfect combination to put me right to sleep, which was exactly what I needed.

*****  
 _"Wake.Up."_

Something soft, but with a lot of force, smacked into my face and I cried out just a bit. I was sucked right from my sleep, cobwebs of my dreams clinging to the corners of my mind. The hell? What idiot thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by hitting me in the face?

"Finally! God, you're hell to try and awaken ya know that? Eh, but it doesn't matter now..I guess. Anyway hurry up and get ready we're going out to catch a film." Low and behold, _Michael_ , dropped the couch pillow down beside me, where it had previously lain. Well, before he had tried to freaking kill me with it. Again, what kind of idiot would think that was a good idea?  _Obviously_   _him_. His footsteps faded away towards the bathroom, until merely silence remained. Groaning, I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into the rough fabric of the couch. I assumed Luke was getting ready somewhere in the hotel room, because his comfy presence was no longer next to me. Lord, how I wished he was though. I longed to feel his baby soft skin pressed up against mine, heart thumping rhythmically beside my ear as I laid on his chest, and delicate breaths tickling the top of my hair.

"Are you ready yet?" Michael teased as his head popped back into the room, and I grabbed one of the pillows, hurling it at him. With a squeal, he batted it away.

"Oh bugger off, you were gone like two minutes. Of course Im not." Grumbling, I sat up and stood from the couch to stretch, nearly moaning as the bones in my spine popped accordingly.

"Someone's a grumpy Gus to-"

I hurled the second pillow from the opposite side of the couch.

_Smack._

Perfect, I had somehow managed to nail him right in the face while he was distracted.

A cocky smirk oozed onto my lips, he looked so startled. "Didn't think I had that good of aim, did you?"

The only response was silence, a mask of surprise on his features. "How sadly mistaken you were, Clifford."

Michaels eyes narrowed a split second before he opened his mouth to bellow, "Calum, Luke? Ashton's being rude to me again!" And scurried out of the room. Are you joking me right now? Tattling? What were we, eight year olds?

I finally trudged off to the bedroom to gather a change of clothes, and any other nesessary products I needed to prepare myself to go out into public.

I dressed as quickly as I could manage,brushed my teeth and hair, and finally popped a bandana in my curls before going to toss my pajama's in Michael's and I's room.

The three were sitting in the living room area when I walked in, snagging my shoes from beside the door.

"Sleeping beauty has finally arisen." Calum joked from his spot next to Luke, arm around the blond's waist, Luke resting his head on the darker haired lads shoulder. My heart felt as though it plummeted down to my feet. I quickly glanced over to Michael whom was doing something on his phone.

"Are we leaving soon Mikey?" I asked, once I was finished putting my boots on. His green eyes, that I may or may not of always been jealous of, rose to meet my gaze.

"Yeah, we should probably get going. Just in case of traffic and what not." He rose to his feet, the other two following suit. Luke and Calum were still draped over each other, I continued to not look directly at them. Why was I acting like this? Luke and I always cuddled together, so who says he can't do it with someone else in the band? It's not like I owned him.  _These thoughts I'm having are getting a little too ridiculous._

****

The journey to the movie theater was mostly quiet, except for some Pierce The Veil playing in the background. It didn't take too long to get there, which I was thankful of. I was way too antsy to function on a long car ride.

When we were walking in, seeing how many people were there, I began to drift closer to Luke. I've never been good with a lot of people in one place, it made me a perturbed mess. My mother had always labeled it, "mild anxiety." Luke was the only one who knew that out of the band, because I'd had an episode awhile back when just him and I went to a popular, too crowded restaurant.

I didn't think it was anxiety, like my mum and teachers suggested my whole time growing up. I just got a little spooked around bunches of strangers, that was all. It was no big deal.

Luke took notice to my sprouting discomfort, his blue eyes searching my face worriedly. I tried keeping my expression devoid of any expression, not wanting to make him concerned. That plan obviously didn't work too well, because he discreetly pulled me into his side.

"You okay, Ash? We can leave if you need." His rough voice in my ear shouldn't of sent shivers dancing down my back, but it did.

"N-No, I'm fine."

He nodded, but kept me pressed close to him. We got our tickets, and food and began the small trek back to the dark showing room. We found it quickly, and Calum pushed the door open, excitedly. The light of the huge screen softened all the shadows, making it painfully easy to spot how many people were clogging up the space inside,already. My heart began to thump faster.

"L-Luke..?" I whimpered, blindly searching for his arm, so I could clutch onto it.

"Shh, it's alright, I'm right here." His whisper came from up ahead, and he gently took hold of my wrist, ushering me to the farthest back row of seats. Michael and Calum appeared hesitant to follow us, so I shooed them away, "You guys can go sit up front, we don't mind." Calum patted my back appreciatively and tossed a grin over his shoulder while he tugged Michael to the very first row.

I plopped in the seat next to Luke, turning to watch the side of his face. His lip ring shimmered with the reflection of the movie screen, and it kinda took my breath away. The corner of his lips curved with a smile, his dimple making its appearance.

"You're staring. Popcorn?"

I blinked once, twice. He calls me out for staring and then offers me popcorn? Shrugging, I took a handful. "Thanks.."

He turned to look at me, his smile only growing when I added, "For everything."

"You know I'd do anything for you, Ashton." Luke stated it so simply, it threw me off guard. My sigh puffed out into the air, and I faced front again, trying to get into the film, and forget about a very frustrating Luke Hemmings.

*****

_People_   _everywhere._

The movie had ended, and everyone was swarming the lobby. It was terrifying, I just wanted to run and get away, but the amount of people were blocking the exits.

Kid's crying, parent's yelling, teenagers shoving past rudely. It was like my senses had been spiked with hypersensitivity. Every touch from a stranger had my skin crawling, every noise sounded like it was being projected through a megaphone. I felt so terrified, and inclosed. I was so far gone that not even Luke's hand in mine could soothe me. My heartbeat pounded in my ears, and nausea filled my stomach.

I didn't realize my breath had been coming out in short, stuttered gasps and pants until Luke was in front of me, hands on my cheeks murmuring, "Breath, Ash. In and out, full breaths." His frightened blue eyes were wide, and my lungs felt like they had been set on fire, from lack of much needed air. I had experienced stuff like this before, but nothing this severe. Luke's voice sounded like it was at the end of a very long tunnel. My whole body was trembling, and dizziness was cloaking everything so thickly, I could barley walk along as they pulled me from the building and out into the brisk night air.

The temperature was freezing, more than it should of been as my body was covered in a sheen of sweat. I tried to drink in the crisp air, but it was like something was closing off my throat, squeezing it shut.

_I could die._

The thought slammed into me like a car. I mean, I couldn't breath, I was hyperventilating. People can only survive so long without oxygen. But I don't want to die yet, I have so much to look forward to. So much to do!

Black spots began crowding my vison. Calum was in front of me, talking to me, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. The only thing I could hear was the pounding of my own heart, and a slight ringing noise.

Suddenly the image of a very troubled Mike, Cal, and Luke shattered away,  _and everything went black._

_*****_


	6. s i x

**_Chapter_**   ** _6_**

**_+Luke+_ **

**_unedited:_ **

****  
"Mate, staring at him like that isn't gonna make him come to any sooner." Michael sighed sympathetically, and it made me frown mentally.

"Yeah I know. I'm just..so worried. He's never been this bad." I removed my dull, probably stressed and fatigued cloaked eyes from Ashton's still form over to the pale, green eyed guitarist sat across the room with Calum.

"Maybe we should just call it a night, he might not even come round til' morning. And if, for some reason, he does wake up sometime throughout tonight, he'll probably just fall asleep within 2 seconds later. Plus, he's breathing perfectly fine now, and his hearts going normal." Cal piped up, running a hand through his dark, disheveled hair.

"Don't..if Ash comes around tonight and is alone, he'll be scared. I'm not leaving him."

An emotion flickered in Calum's chocolate eyes, something that I couldn't place. But it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "Yeah, okay. If you really wanna do that, there's nothing we can do to stop you."

"Damn straight." I mumbled under my breath so they couldn't hear me, "You guys head off to bed, I'll wake you if anything takes a turn for the worse. And it not, then I'll see you in the morning."

Michael nodded and hauled himself to his feet, giggling slightly when sleepy Calum stumbled up against him. "Carry me Mikey?"

Michael groaned with way too dramatic irritation, and scooped Calum up, the latter nuzzling into his neck.

"Night Luke!" Michael called over his shoulder, and the two disappeared from the shadowed room.

With a small, barley audible sigh I reached over and tugged one of the fuzzy blankets closer and cuddled myself under it, closing my eyes. Fatigue slammed into me like a brick wall, but I wasn't all that surprised. It had been a long, stressful, and tiring day.

After Ashton passed out, we checked all his vitals and he appeared to be perfectly fine. So, we just carried him to the car and took him back to the hotel and decided not to do anything drastic, like take him to the hospital or doctor, until morning.

Calum had mentioned something about, "It was probably from lack of oxygen, which is really nothing serious considering he's fine now." And that's what left us here; Ashton, drifted off far away in the unconscious, and me watching over him like a mum.

Dread spilled through out my body, as I came to a startling realization; Ashton would have to go see a doctor. Not just any doctor, a psychiatrist. This was a severe panic attack, and they would probably need to check him out.

I made a mental note to call one around home tomorrow, and make him an appointment, before the warm waters of sleep lapped over me, and pulled me under...

****

"Luke."  _poke. "_ Luke."  _poke_. "Lucas."  _poke_. "Lukey."  **poke.**

"Oh my God. What?" I snapped, pulling the blanket over my face, and rolling over onto my stomach.

"Pretending to be asleep is a low blow, even for you Hemmo." I could tell he was pouting those gorgeous pink lips without even having to look at him.

"Shut up Ash."

"But I'm hungry, please cook me something? It's our last day here..."

"Fine, whatever." Grumbling, I whipped the blanket from my body, hissing at the sudden rush of cool air. I stopped to stretch for a moment, and run my fingers through my air, in attempt to tame it before setting off for the small kitchen. I could hear Ashton bounding after me, so I stopped abruptly, smirking when he crashed into my back.

"Ouch!" He yelped, "What the hell was that for?"

My expression faded to one of seriousness as I turned around, glancing down at him. "How ya feeling?" My voice was soft, and hesitant, and I could see in his eyes that he understood what I was asking.

"Uhm, I feel okay, I guess. Kinda tired s'all."

I nodded silently and pulled him in for a hug, "You gave me a right scare."

"I'm sorry Luke. I just..it was too much, and I lost it." He mumbled into my neck, where he had tucked his face. His hot breath sent shivers down my spine.

"Don't apologize. We'll talk more about this when Calum and Michael wake up, yeah?" I felt him nod, and pull away slowly, before taking the lead into the kitchen. I watched him walk away, with a dopey smile on my face. His curls were ruffled, and sticking up in every direction, and he was wearing the red flannel he wore yesterday, that was too big, which I'm pretty sure he stole from me. All in all, he was the exact definition of adorable.

He was sat on the marble counter, rubbing at his eyes when I walked in.

"What do you want to eat?" I mused as I peered inside the smallish refrigerator, and cabinets, finding only a few limited items staring back at me. "We have stuff for pancakes or you can have cereal. That's about the only options." I chuckled and glanced over at him, already knowing what he would want. "Pancakes?"

"Pancakes." He confirmed, with a grin.

Pulling the mix out from inside the dark, wooden cabinet, I ignored Ashton's whiny complaint about how these wouldn't be nearly as good as homemade. What did he expect from me? I couldn't just whip up a magical homemade batter in a stupid hotel room that was basically stocked with  _nothing._ I'm not some kinda chef for Pete's sake.

"Are you even listening to me?" I heard him huff like an irritated child, and I glanced over my shoulder to find him looking sassy as ever. With his arms crossed over his chest, and one eyebrow cocked. I hadn't realized he'd still been talking to me.

"No." I answered honestly, fighting down the laughter that bubbled in my throat.

"You're such a whore."

"What? That's the best insult you could think of? You're such an idiot." I snorted fondly, my laugh breaking free.

"Oi, knock it off. Don't make fun of me!" He tried to sound stern, but his voice wavered ever so slightly as if he wanted to give in and laugh along with me.

My stomach was aching once my giggles began to die down, and I looked up to find Ashton walking toward me, face twisted up with what I knew was fake anger.

"You think that's funny, huh? To call me an idiot?" He growled and shoved me to where my back was pressed against the counter.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do." I replied, lips turned up in a cocky smirk. Thoughts of how nice this was, our body's hovering merely half an inch from being pressed together, started to swirl uninvitedly through my mind.

"Oh, really now?" He taunted me, his face right in front of mine, hazel eyes glittering like fine, expensive diamonds.

"Yes, really." And with that I grabbed his hips, and spun us around to where he was in my previous position, trapped against the counter.

A surprised noise popped out of him, and he flattened his big hands against my chest, attempting to push me away. To distract him I poked the side of his ribs, sending his body into little wriggles.

"Don't you dare." He threatened, voice low and gravely.

"What?" I asked, fake innocence dripping from my words, head cocked, and eyes widened. "Oh, do you mean not do this?" My long fingers dug into his sides, and he nearly screamed. That didn't stop me, only encouraged me farther. I continued my assault of tickling him, watching as he thrashed about, his cute but weird gasp-y laughter filling the air, along with an occasional yell. "Aw, someone's ticklish?"

Ashton didn't answer right away, only tried to distance himself from me, which didn't work. He was caged strategically in the small corner curve of the counter.

"S-shut u-p," Came his reply, and I whimpered when I suddenly felt him kick me swiftly in the shin. _Way to be evil and use someone's weaknesses to your advantage._ I guess that was kinda rich and hypocritical coming from me, though.

"Ow, fuck you." I grumbled and shoved him away, reaching down to cradle my injured leg.

"You wish you could." The curly haired bastard joked and even threw in a wink. I pouted in response.

"You know, you shouldn't pout like that. It could cause premature wrinkles." Ashton stated as he walked over to the box of mix, starting to measure everything out himself.

"Oh yeah, because I care  _so_  much about causing stupid little lines on my face."

"Well, you should. No girl wants to date a guy who looks old and shit."

He must of noticed the way my face fell, because he put everything down and looked me right in the eyes, "Aw, hell Luke, you know I was kidding."

Giving a silent nod, I forced a weak smile onto my face and made my way to his side, "Now lets get this breakfast done, shall we?" Better to change the subject, rather than let awkward tension wedge it's away in.

It took awhile to finally finish the pancakes, considering we'd take regular breaks and flick powder or whatever else at each other. Which only resulted in a mess, and tears of laughter clouding our eyes.

"The hell?" Calum's voice piped up from behind us and I innocently grinned, as I twisted around to face him.

"Hey?" My voice came out slightly more high pitched than usual and I cursed myself.  _Way to play it smooth._

"We made breakfast for all of us, Cal!" Ashton sounded so proud and excited that I had to forcefully stifle down the urge to 'aw' out loud. 

"Yeah, I noticed..but yet you made a huge mess. When it concerns you two, everything's too good to be true, I swear." 

Ashton scoffed, a look of offense dissolving over his features, causing Calum to let out a chuckle and drag his feet over to the table. 

"You expect us to serve you as well?" I questioned, noticing how when he took a seat, he stared at Ash and I with a look of expectancy. 

"Uhm, yeah pretty much."

"Oh hell nah, I don't think so, you were rude to us." Ashton spouted back, "I refuse to make your plate, fuck that." 

The drummer sweeped away, grabbing his utensils to go with his plate that was piled with the food, and took the seat farthest from Calum, letting out an indignant huff as he plopped down with a 'thump'. 

Calum turned to me, lips pouted, and I only groaned as I grabbed two plates. 

"You're lucky he's nicer than me." Ashton murmured, half of his sentance muffled by a huge bite of pancake slathered in sticky, sweet syrup. 

"You know, you should probably get Michael's ready too, while you're at it." An evil smirk slithered onto the bassist's mouth, and I flipped him my middle finger. I feel like the fucking house wife around here, and it's exhausting to be completely honest. Maybe I'll start asserting my dominance for once, that would show 'em. 

It was mostly silent as I took my seat, safe for the sound of forks and knives clanking together and chewing. I placed Calum's plate in front of him, and shoved Michael's onto the open, empty spot. 

"You're welcome." I mumbled, words swollen with attitude. 

"Oh, yeah. Thanks, man." My dark haired friend responded, and I grunted halfheartedly, sulking just a tad. I put forth my energy into cutting up my breakfast, and drowning it in syrup, laughing when Ashton's eyebrows furrowed in disgust. 

"I cannot even believe you eat it with that lake of shit  _all_ over it." He said, making me roll my eyes. "Shit? Really? It's on yours too, for your information, and I find it hardly fair that you called syrup that. Are you even human or?"

"Shut up, Hemmings. No one asked you."

"Send help, I'm in an verbally absusive relationship." I whined sarcastically, snorting when Ashton whacked me on the arm. 

"That didn't even hurt, so nice try." 

" _You little_ -" The curly cutie's threat was cut off abruptly by the sound of a bedroom door opening, and the soft pad of feet nearing closer. Michael's messy hair swam into my pheriphial view, decked out with droopy, sleepy eyes and sweater paws. I turned to face him completely, frowning when Calum exclaimed, "Thank God you're finally awake Mikey. I was getting so tired of listening to these two dolts."

"Damn someone's salty in the morning." Michael told Cal, and Ashton looked over to me appearing to be displeased with Michael's choice of mainstream adjective. Michael took a seat across from me, and put a small piece of food into his mouth, chewing slowly and experimentally, almost as if he wanted to memorize the taste,"These are kinda burnt, but thanks for makin' them. I guess."

"Ah, shut your trap. I happen to think I'm a very good cook." Ashton scowls, eyes squinted in such a way, as if daring Michael to argue with him. The newly dyed blond haired guitarist holds his hands up in a, "Okay, Okay whatever you say," kind of surrendering way, causing my breath to stutter in the beginning of a giggle. That is, until Calum's words interupt. The brown eyed lad's statement sends any joking, playful banter sprinting to the corners of the room for cover like a nuclear bomb's gonna erupt, an almost anxious tension freezing over the air. 

_**"I think it's about time we talk about what happened yesterday with Ash, don't you guys think?"** _

_******** _

 


	7. Chapter 7

_The brown eyed lad's statement sends any joking, playful banter sprinting to the corners of the room for cover like a nuclear bomb's gonna erupt, an almost anxious tension freezing over the air._

_"I think it's about time we talk about what happened yesterday with Ash, don't you guys think?"_

****

**+Ashton+**

Silence.

That's all that met Calum's words at first. I shifted uncomfortably on the hard wood of the chair, as Luke nodded, "Yeah, we probably should."

"What's there to talk about? I personally don't think anything, it wasnt that big of a deal.." I said in a quiet tone, and I wouldn't be surprised if they didnt catch my words at all.

"Not that big of a deal?"

Well, there goes my hope for no one hearing me.

"You passed out Ashton, that's the worst I've ever seen you. And quite frankly, I was scared shitless and I don't want to see that happen to you again. So, I guess now is as good of time as any time to tell you.." Luke trailed off, eyes flickering over to meet Calum's whom gave him a reassuring nod of the head. What was going on?

"Tell me what?" I could feel slight panic starting to bubble inside my chest, and I had to clench my fists and take deep breaths to keep myself in check.

Luke cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously before mumbling, "Uh, I'm checking into some psychiatrists for you to see when we get back 'round home."

"Uhm, oh."

Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Michael finally put down to his food to study what was going down, eyebrow raised.

"If you think I'm going then you can stick it up your ass." I added, fixing a challenging scowl in Luke's direction. I was in disbelief, did my own best friends think I was such a psycho that I needed medicine and therapy? I felt the battle of hurt and fear dueling inside me, but I couldn't show them either of those emotions. That would show weakness, and make it seem like I  _do_  have a problem. I have to quickly construct my fences of anger so they can't see how afraid I truly am.

_I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine._

Why can't they see that?

"But you're...you're.." Luke sputtered, blue eyes wide as he struggled to find something to say.

"What? I'm a freak? Is that what you're trying to say?" I retorted, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"No! Of course he's not, what Luke was trying to say is..you need help Ashton. And one of those doctors can give it to you." Calum jumped in, sympathy written all over his face.

"I don't need help, okay?  _I'm fine._  I've had these little..episodes my whole life. I think I can deal with it."

Luke shook his head, "Ash, you clearly can't.You. passed. out. on us yesterday."

"So? That doesn't mean shit, it was a one time weird thing, that's not gonna happen again. Just stop bringing it up." I squinted my eyes, a tangled mess of emotions clawing at my insides.

Calum shook his head in a near exasperated manner, "Would you just hear us out for two minutes without immediately arguing back?"

I grumbled under my breath, but listened to his request.

"Luke?" Calum prompted, a look in his eyes that read, "Don't mess this up" and I would of laughed if I wasn't so anxious about this, and the situation wasn't so tense.

"Okay, so. I'm.. no. _We're_  worried about you Ash. I'm calling this doctor with all the best intentions for you in mind, I wouldn't have thought of doing this, and neither would have Calum or Michael, if we didnt believe this was good for you. Just, would yo-"

"Stop right there." I interrupted the blond not thinking twice about how rude that is, "This isn't with my "best intentions" in mind. Because you're going to make me do something I sure as hell don't want to do. I'm not going to go to one of those nut doctors. _I'm fine_."

For the second time the room collapsed into complete silence.

Luke's face fell into his hands, and a loud huff radiated out into the air. Really? He had no right to act frustrated. I couldn't believe how they were ganging up on me like this, so I wasn't about to back down. Oh no, I was just getting started.

"Wait a second, I'm not done," I got to my feet so I could stare down at the three, and grapple back a little bit of control, and strength. "Who do  _you_  think you are making these decisions for me and taking matters into your own hands?" I shot at Luke, noticing how his face considerably hardened. Good, it was working and distracting him.

"Who do I think I am? Hm, your best friend, your band mate. Need I go on?" He retorted, his light eyes transitioning from summer sky blue to icy and cold. My lips twitched up into a smirk, which I had an inkling would enrage him further.

"Oh God, shut up. You're younger than me, just a little boy, I'm pretty damn sure you can't juggle this responsibility. Best friends doesn't mean a measly thing when it comes down to that, I don't need you messing up my life with what you think is "right"."

I knew I was being a right asshole and didn't mean half the things I was saying, but I couldn't stop. Not even when I felt guilt clouding my thoughts at the sight of hurt swarming his features. But I had to get his attention away from talking about my  _issues._

He clenched his jaw, and visibly ground his teeth but still didn't say a word. I hated that, how he could stay so calm even in the midst of a fight. I wanted to rile him up, I wanted to make him snap. It irritated me so much how he could stifle down his anger ever so simply.

Michael looked alarmed as Luke and I usually didn't bicker over something important like what was being discussed at the moment. It was usually over stupid stuff like him leaving the shower messy once he was finished, or borrowing something of mine without permission.

"Ashton, I think you need to sit down. You're way too fired up, and you'll say something you will really fucking regret if you don't stop." Michael warned, and I rolled my eyes.

"No need, because I'm done with this. I'm not gonna stand around and argue with this big ass a second longer." I stared right into Luke's eyes as I said the words since they were aimed at him, but nothing hardly shifted for the worse on his face.  _Come on Lukey, call me a bastard, fight back. I'm sorry.. It's what I deserve._  A voice begged internally, and I almost wanted to cringe. When had a part of me gotten that sick and twisted as to want to dodge what was important by pissing the other person off? Why can't I just let them see how vulnerable and afraid I am?

When had I started to hide my important emotions from the people I love the most?

I turned on my heels and began to march to my room, when Luke had me wanting to scream in frustration and punch something. How come he couldn't just leave me alone and let me be?

His calmly stated words had me halting at the doorframe down the hall, and I gripped the door knob so hard my knuckles faded white and dull pain throbbed through my hand.

**_"Don't forget to pack while you're in there, our flight leaves at 4. Oh, and Ashy? This isn't over, don't think you can run from this."_ **

**_****_ **


	8. Chapter 8

**_+Luke+_ **

Awkward.

More awkward.

Really fucking awkward.

That was basically the perfect, spot on summary of the rest of the day after our bands little...dispute. The gathering of our shit into the van, the ride to the airport, and now the wait for our flight. Awkward, awkward, and awkward. But what did you expect when none of us were speaking to one another?

I was currently sprawled across one of the cold, lonely, and over all really stupid airport chairs, blasting music in my ears and warding off conversation with Michael, Cal and Ashton, them all sat in the same general area.

But a little, pricking tingle itched at my skin, caused me to glance up from my phone screen to see which one of them was watching me.

Ashton, of course.

His clear eyes stared into mine, and I swear I stopped breathing for a second. This was all so cliche that I almost wanted to puke. Me arching a lazy brow at him cracked his..well, everything, and he rose from the seat and nodded at me to follow.

I scanned his back as we walked dodging people like an obstacle course, his Greek God like arms swaying loosely at his sides and I really, really wished I could forget the douche-y things he spat at me earlier so it didn't hurt to look at him.

He stopped when we reached a clear area by some poster on an otherwise blank, boring wall away from the bustle of travelers, and turned to look at me with a pinched face. I pulled out my ear buds and paused my music, wrapping my phone up and sliding it in my hoodie pocket before looking at him expectantly.

"I dunno how you put up with me sometimes."

I squinted at him because...really? That was how he was gonna start this off? I found my lips pulling back with a smile though, head tipping back as a laugh oozed out of me.

"Yeah, I don't know either." I said, "But I do, regardless." He smiled at me, closed mouth and tight, but it was still a smile, something that showed he wasn't too pissy anymore.

"I'm sorry Luke, I really am. You can call me a jack ass and punch me if you want." He mumbled to me, staring down at the ground and taming his knotty curls with his long fingers.

"It's okay, Ash. Sometimes I just wish you would realize that all these things that I do that anger you, are for your own good and because I care a fucking lot." I responded, leaning back against the hard wall behind my body.

He nodded and the next words he uttered took me by surprise, "I'll go."

I felt my eyes stretch with surprise, "What? Oh, as in like..go to the doctor?"

Ashton merely blinked at me, "I owe it to you, to myself. I think I might kinda have an issue." I watched him a bit, silently, just to double check he wasn't gonna collapse into an emotional wreck. Thankfully he didn't, only stared back at me, fear swimming in the irises of his dazzling eyes.

"Good, good. Hey, you'll be okay..okay?" I reassured, reaching out and grabbing at his arm to pull him into my embrace. He accepted, arms winding around my waist, his body warmth surrounding me in a cozy, heavenly blanket.

"I'm not crazy, right?" Came his mumble from burrowed in my neck, breath hot and moist against my pale skin.

"Course not, babe. You're perfectly fine, you'll get help, and then everything will be all dandy again." I told him, the little pet name that I usually despised, impulsively falling from my lips. It seemed right though in the moment, and I was glad he couldn't see my face simmering with a blush.

"Dandy? Did you really just use that in a sentence? Fuck, am I secretly friends with an 80 year old?" He laughed, fingers dancing comfortingly along my lower back, and I swallowed hard hoping he couldn't feel my heart freaking out at his simple touch. Well at least he didn't question that I called him  _babe_ , thank The Lord almighty above.

"Oh shush. You know what? No more hugs for you." I pouted, pushing him away playfully. He stumbled a bit and our laughter mingled, twisting together in a beautiful way.

A serious look passed along his face then, but before he could say anything the intercom lady's voice crackled over the speakers, announcing our flight. ' _Great_   _timing',_ I thought to myself sarcastically and maybe a bit bitterly as well.

"Race ya back to Cal and Mike."

******

Michael's whining still echoed in my ears even after the plane took flight, soaring in the sky for a solid hour or two. Ashton, Calum and I had all gotten sat next to each other but Michael hadn't been so lucky, seated in his designated spot, rows away as there wasn't any open seats by us for him to move into now that the plane had taken off. He'd made a huge dramatic fuss, with a good amount of complaining and whining on the side which happened to be quite entertaining. I have my doubts time to time that he is in fact actually 18 years old.

I chuckled to myself again under my breath as I stared out the small window, looking into the wispy clouds. Ashton stirred from where his head was nestled on my shoulder, drawing my attention down to his sparkly smile, and hazel eyes looking up at me. ' _Sparkly_   _smile_ ,' rolling my eyes to myself I wondered vaguely how he molded me into such a soft sap, completely unintentionally.

He furrowed his brows questioningly, but I shook it off, mumbling that it was nothing. He shrugged and went back to closing his eyes, nuzzling against my flannel and I smiled down at his form even though he couldn't see me.

It didn't matter though that he couldn't see how happy he made me sometimes, like now for example. It didn't matter that he couldn't see that I loved him, something that had grown and swelled and matured as our friendship did the same over the years. A lot of stuff just didn't matter anymore, and I'd come to terms with that. Mostly.

Besides, he wasn't gay, he'd been fucking so many girls recently that he couldn't be..

I wasn't about to shatter the glass vase of our friendship with the bullet of my foolish love.


End file.
